A Story Worth Living

Ok, this entry might be scattered and just a lot of random thoughts, but that is kind of what I am right now, a mess of scattered thoughts.
These past three months have been the hardest months of my life. I don’t really know how to explain in words all of the ups and downs that flood one’s life when they move away from everything they know as soon as they graduate college and live in a place where they are alone except for the presence of God. Do not get me wrong, I have met hundreds (literally) of great people, but just because you meet lots of people does not mean that you suddenly do not feel lonely.
This is probably what I have struggled with the most. I miss my family. I daydream about the beloved school that I just graduated from and the community that is there. I catch myself wishing that the kids I babysit were here with me to watch a Disney movie or play a board game or color. I think about the parents of children I know and realize that their support and guidance and encouragement has helped to shape me into the person I am today…and I deeply miss, well, all of you.
However, I know that God is here. That is enough of a reason for me not to quit.
This past week the summer interns left. I am moving houses yet again. And I have decided in the midst of another transition that I am in need of community. I was spoiled with it all my life…I can’t think of a time when I was without God-centered community; a time when I have been without people pouring God into my life. So maybe this is a lesson that I am learning; that life really is meant to be lived in community. Not, “hey how are you, I’m fine” communities, but real community. Also, I realize that so many of the kids here are without that real community. What an awesome opportunity for me to try and help them find it in these upcoming months.
I was blessed through this last week in so many ways. Jessica came down to see me and God timed the visit perfectly so that she was here when all of the summer interns left. She was also here just in time to see me have an enormous breakdown and she cried with me, laughed with me, and most importantly prayed with me. What a blessing it was to have her here. God used those 4 ½ days to renew my spirit, to fill me back up so that these last three months I can be made empty again. As one of my favorite songs says, “The seed I’ve received I will sow”
Why Jess was here we processed ALOT. We talked about the feeling of “not going back to school.” We processed doing ministry as a single person far away from home (Jess has been in LA all summer and will return in about seven days for a full year). We had discussions that sparked a lot of sentences beginning with “oh, remember when.” This in itself was nice…to talk with someone with whom you can share a “remember when.” We talked about how God was working which was probably what was the most encouraging. To have someone help you see how God is working in your life and also tell you specifically about how He is working in their life too is a great idea (just in case you haven’t done that in a while). We talked about what we had learned from professors; it was neat to see that words they have spoken to us in a classroom have now become hands that push us and pull us forward on this journey, this race that we are all running. If any professors read this, please know that your words are reaching far beyond a classroom in Joplin Missouri.
While Jess was here, she recommended some books for me to read and one of them was the new Donald Miller book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It just so happened that Rach gave me that book for graduation. I pulled it out this past Thursday, two days after Jess left, and began to read. The book is about what Donald Miller learned while editing his life. These guys decided they wanted to make a movie about his big seller Blue Like Jazz which is basically a story about his life and experiences…EXCEPT that if they make this movie, they will have to change a lot of it because his life really isn’t that interesting…in fact, it is rather boring. This launches Miller into this whole idea of “if you examine the story of your life, is it worth reading? If you watch the movie of your life, is it worth watching?” As he talks about living out a story worth watching I have been greatly challenged. While living in New Orleans might not be the easiest thing I could do, it is a story worth reading. The conflicts and struggles that life brings make it worth reading. He says something in his book that has really got me thinking: “Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” (page 108)
I am fearful of a lot of things, mostly things that have to do with my future, but I have decided that for the rest of my time here in New Orleans, I am not going to let fear boss me around. God is with me, who can stand against me? God is with me, what do I possibly have to fear? It is Christ’s love that compels me. And that love is enough to persevere. Christ’s love is worth it. If you are reading this and do not know the Lord, please, I beg you, be reconciled to God. He loves you. He loves you so much that He died for you. That really happened…it is not a made up story, it is as real as the struggles that I am facing in New Orleans; it is as real as the struggles you are facing too. God has a story and I am blessed to be a part of it…he wants you to be a part of it too. It is a story filled with trials and ups and downs, but in the end, it the greatest victory story you could ever imagine. It is filled with tears and suffering, but also with great joy and deep community…community that exists even when you are fourteen hours away from those you miss the most. It is a story that I invite you to join. And I promise you, it is a story worth reading, worth watching, worth living.