So...again, lots of thinking and lots of reading have inspired me to write another blog...sorry that I seem to get most of my material from other people :) haha.
Let me begin by saying that life in New Orleans has become enjoyable. God is showing me so much about Him, His kingdom work, and myself that I can't imagine learning elsewhere. I have found God-centered community and have never been so thankful to God for that. I am involved with a church plant called Desire Fellowship. We work out every day together. We have bible study on Tuesday mornings (going through the book of Joshua), we have another study through a book (Kairo) on thursday mornings. We meet Sunday mornings of course, and we hang out throughout the week. I am soaking in the wisdom and challenges that older brothers and sisters in the faith are sharing with me each day. Thank you for your prayers, God has answered them in the perfect way and in just the right time...go figure!
I feel like I have a home here and the hardest thing that I am struggling with right now is the thought of leaving. Not because I know that I should stay...I feel like my time in New Orleans has been good, but I am called to work with a church and I desperately miss working with kids all the time. I am struggling with leaving because I have built relationships. It is hard to leave because those relationships are so good...a blessing and a curse in the very thing I have prayed for. Am I hurting anyone by investing and then picking up and leaving? Am I really being used by God to make a difference or will I be forgotten in just a couple of weeks as some white girl that came down and then picked up and left like all the others? I think about this more than you know. But my mom reminds me that those are lies from Satan and that even if noone remembers my name, I must cling to the hope that they will remember my God. That is enough and that gives me peace as the end is approaching.
SO, back to the idea of leaving. I hate it. But it is necessary. I remember a professor or two or three :)...telling me that when something stops changing, it dies. We must embrace the change so that we can grow. And even though I hate change, I have grown. I am still nervous about the future. I still freak out because I am not married and have no idea what I am going to do next. I still have to ask myself every night "Where did I see God at work today." And most of all, I still hate change. I still hate leaving. It hurts. And it is not fun. But you know what, I am growing. I am really growing. And through my growth, I have learned to embrace the change.
I resonate with how Donald Miller embraces change in his book "Through Painted Deserts." Miller challenges me to embrace the "going" part of my life:
"It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your toungue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
Even though I hate leaving, I came. God has changed me because of it...and I am so thankful.
